Lovely, isn't it?
But logical...no.
I've watched many Christmas movies this year. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE them. But I have realized that there are a lot of obvious plot failings that just make you wonder if the characters in the movie have any capacity for logical thought whatsoever.
Let's explore a few, shall we?
The Plot: A large family flies to Paris for the holidays, but their youngest son, Kevin, gets left behind. Panicked, the mother tries to get back home to her son, while Kevin busies himself protecting the home from marauding burglars.
The Problem: As soon as the family gets to Paris, the flood the payphone area (hey, remember payphones?) and frantically call everyone they know - neighbors, family, and especially the police, who they urge to go over to the house to check on Kevin. The problem: they DON'T CALL KEVIN at their own house! If we're still back in the days of payphones, we're also back in the days of tape answering machines, which means that the parents could have called the house, called out to Kevin via the answering machine to answer the phone, made sure he was okay, and then told him to go to a friend's house for the holidays. Problem solved. Of course, then the family's house would have been ransacked by the burglars, so perhaps their negligence of common telephone procedure is fortuitous after all. And anyway, the movie would be way shorter if Kevin just went over to a friend's house for the holidays.
The Plot: Everyone's favorite troupe of singing rodents is preparing for a sold-out show at Carnegie Hall. But Alvin, swept up in a moment of Christmas spirit, has given away his prized harmonica to a sick little boy. Whatever is a chipmunk to do?
The Problem: Alvin, Simon, and Theodore go through a great deal of energy to hide the fact that Alvin has given away his harmonica from Dave, the (human) band manager. This comes, in movie time, only a day after Dave chastised Alvin for being too selfish during the holidays, and urging him to be more generous and giving. If anything, Dave would be thrilled that Alvin has given his harmonica away to a child in need. But the even bigger problem is this - if the Chipmunks have sold out a show at Carnegie Hall, they should have more than enough money for Alvin to buy a new harmonica...unless, of course, Dave is running some sort of embezzlement scheme to keep all the profits to himself. Maybe that's why they were reluctant to tell him about the missing harmonica.
The Plot: Scott Calvin and his son awake early one Christmas morning to find that Santa has fallen off their roof and lays unconscious in their front yard. Looking for ID, they find a card that says to put on the Santa suit if anything should happen to the man wearing it. Because six year olds can convince their parents to do pretty much anything around Christmas time, Scott acquiesces, and soon finds that in so doing he has agreed to become the new Santa Claus.
The Problem: I've been led to believe by all these Christmas movies that the North Pole is a place of great joy, love, and merriment. And yet, somehow, when Scott and his son arrive at the North Pole after being brought their by the reindeer, NONE of the elves seem particularly put out that the other Santa is, umm, dead. Yeah. DEAD. Most of the elves don't seem to care, or even notice, that there's a new Santa Claus. The most emotion that we get out of any of the elves is from Bernard, the head elf, who seems more annoyed at having to train a new Santa than sad that the other one has reached an untimely death by way of roof-fall. Makes you wonder if the elves secretly had it out for Santa all along.
The Plot: Is Santa real? Parents say no, children say yes. Children ultimately win, and parents are surprised to discover that Santa Claus is, in fact, real.
The Problem: The parents say Santa isn't real. But, Santa is real, and Santa brings very real presents that appear under the tree or by the fireplace on Christmas morning. Presumably, Santa has been doing this for years. The question is this: why, but why, wouldn't the parents notice that there were presents at Christmas morning that were not purchased by anyone in the family? Are we to assume that every set of parents has such poor communication that each spouse assumes the other has bought the unexpected gifts, and doesn't question their sudden existence? You would think that parents would have to believe in Santa if only to have an explanation for the arrival of new gifts on Christmas morning.
So unless you're just a cotton headed ninny muggins, grab yourself some cocoa and put on your thinking caps, and engage in some good-natured intellectual critique of your favorite Christmas movies.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
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